Desperate Measures

• plays all regions
• authentic
• spanking

DESPERATE MEASURES - DVD MovieCall it "Desperate Movie," because this ludicrous thriller deteriorates into unintentional comedy. For reasons that are never explained, a sociopathic killer (Michael Keaton) is the only available bone marrow donor for the cancer-stricken son of a San Francisco cop (Andy Garcia), who must capture the killer alive after a laughable escape in a labyrinthine hospital. The ensuing manhunt relies on plentiful plot holes and ridiculous shortcuts (like Keaton's use of a surgical laser to cut leg irons, or accessing hospital schematics from a prison computer). Self-consciously shot in film noir style, the cat-and-mouse routine leads to a briefly impressive car chase, but the premise (which even the movie's original press notes described as "intriguing, if unlikely") is based on "moral ambiguity" that doesn't translate ! from script to screen. Instead of forcing Keaton's typically "sick genius" to prove his ingenuity, the film pits him against a squad of cops who couldn't find a beer in a crowded pub. --Jeff Shannon Deluxe CD/DVD edition of the Alt-Rock band's 2009 release, the follow-up to their Gold-certified Swan Songs release. Desperate Measures includes seven brand new studio recordings plus bonus live tracks. The DVD contains over 60 minutes worth of footage taken from their sold out Hollywood Undead TCB Summer Tour.Note: This is a short story (less than 10,000 words) and not a novella. Customers who enjoy the traditional Regency Romances of Georgette Heyer, Barbara Metzger, and Carla Kelly will enjoy this witty Regency short story by New York Times bestselling author Candice Hern. Lydia Bettridge is a young woman suffering the pangs of unrequited love. To capture the attention of Geoffrey Danforth, the man who has stolen her heart but barely notices her, she has resorted to de! sperate measures with a seemingly clever plan. By engaging the! help of Phillip, a friend of her brother's, to play the love-smitten fool in public, she hopes to pique the interest of her unnamed love. But when Geoffrey himself shows up to take Phillip's place, all her careful planning is turned upside down. What's a girl to do but to make the best of it? This short story was originally published in The Mammoth Book of Regency Romance.Note: This is a short story (less than 10,000 words) and not a novella. Customers who enjoy the traditional Regency Romances of Georgette Heyer, Barbara Metzger, and Carla Kelly will enjoy this witty Regency short story by New York Times bestselling author Candice Hern. Lydia Bettridge is a young woman suffering the pangs of unrequited love. To capture the attention of Geoffrey Danforth, the man who has stolen her heart but barely notices her, she has resorted to desperate measures with a seemingly clever plan. By engaging the help of Phillip, a friend of her brother's, to play the love-smitten fool in public, she! hopes to pique the interest of her unnamed love. But when Geoffrey himself shows up to take Phillip's place, all her careful planning is turned upside down. What's a girl to do but to make the best of it? This short story was originally published in The Mammoth Book of Regency Romance.Presenting a classic domestic discipline fantasy in 5 acts, featuring: a strict stepmom spanking her sassy stepdaughter, a boyfriend eagerly spanking his girlfriend's amorous stepmom, a work weary dad soundly spanking and vigorously strapping his devious daughter, an enlightened husband firmly but lovingly spanking his sexy, wayward wife (with hand and hairbrush) and a patient boyfriend methodically spanking his impolite girlfriend -- in a witty and clever scenario, written by and starring the irrepressible Clare Fonda, introducing the strikingly beautiful Kailee in her first Shadow Lane appearance, co-starring fresh talent from Canada, River Wild, as the affable boyfriend and displaying the excellent abilities of the engaging Danny Chrighton as the dominant dad.
Running time: 45 minutes.

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Bb Dakota Juniors Alberta Lace Trim Tank, Eclipse Blue, Large

• This tank has thin adjustable straps
• This tank is sinched at the middle

This lace trim tank is a perfect undershirt that you can layer with anything

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Hoodwinked (Widescreen Edition)

• A new spin on an old fable. In this film, Red, Granny, The Big Bad Wolf and the Woodman, all face Detective Flippers as he attempts to determine the 'real' events of the Little Red Riding Hood story. Original songs and witty humor fill this fun and adventurous film. Format: DVD MOVIE Genre: CHILDREN Rating: PG Age: 796019791090 UPC: 796019791090 Manufacture

So you think you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Don’t be too sure. . . . One of your favorite fairy tales is turned upside-down and inside-out in what the L.A. Times called "high-energy, imaginative entertainment." With irreverent storytelling, spunk and wit, Hoodwinked delivers a comedy caper for the young, the young at heart and everyone in between. When the police arrive at Granny’s cottage in the woods to answer a domestic disturbance call, it looks like just another open-and-shut case. But Red, Granny, the B! ig Bad Wolf and the Woodsman are not your usual suspects, as they have their own dark secrets, wily deceptions and conflicting accounts of the crime. Together, they must put aside their differences and find their own original twist on Happily Ever After in this "raucous, genre-busting, animated gem (Entertainment Weekly, The Must List)."Hoodwinked fuses the classic fairy tale of Little Red Riding Hood with the crisscrossing storylines of film noir--pretty ambitious stuff for a computer-animated cartoon. The police cordon off Grandma's cottage and an amphibious version of William Powell named Nicky Flippers (voiced by David Ogden Stiers, M*A*S*H) begins interrogating the suspects: A Little Red in bell-bottoms (Anne Hathaway, Ella Enchanted), a Wolf turned investigative journalist (Patrick Warburton, The Woman Chaser), a snow-boarding Granny (Glenn Close, 101 Dalmatians), and a dimwitted would-be Woodsman (Jim Belushi, Curly! Sue), each of whom have very different reasons for ending! up in t hat cottage living room. The visual style of Hoodwinked mixes a clunky, video-game look with an homage to the stop-motion puppetry of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and other Rankin-Bass holiday specials. While sometimes awkward, there are also moments of surreal beauty, such as when a depressed Red wanders through a field of blue and red flowers--and moments of lunatic comedy, such as the Schnitzel song, which is irresistibly bizarre. The Shrek-style pop-culture references grow annoying, but the left-field goofiness of a yodeling goat points toward a far more distinct and delightful comic world. Also featuring the voices of Anthony Anderson (Kangaroo Jack), rapper Xzibit, and an especially witty turn by Andy Dick (NewsRadio) as a deceptively cute bunny rabbit. --Bret Fetzer

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The Godfather

• ISBN13: 9780451205766
• Condition: New
• Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!

More than thirty years ago, a classic was born. A searing novel of the Mafia underworld, The Godfather introduced readers to the first family of American crime fiction, the Corleones-and became the definitive novel of the virile, violent subculture that remains steeped in intrigue, in controversy, and in our collective consciousness.The story of Don Vito Corleone, the head of a New York Mafia family, inspired some of the most successful movies ever. It is in Mario Puzo's The Godfather that Corleone first appears. As Corleone's desperate struggle to control the Mafia underworld unfolds, so does the story of his family. The novel is full of exquisitely detailed characters who, despite ! leading unconventional lifestyles within a notorious crime family, experience the triumphs and failures of the human condition. Filled with the requisite valor, love, and rancor of a great epic, The Godfather is the definitive gangster novel.

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Creation [Blu-Ray]

• UK Import
• Region-Free
• Blu-ray

From director Jon Amiel ("The Singing Detective," ENTRAPMENT) and writer John Collee (MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD) comes CREATION. A psychological, heart-wrenching love story starring Paul Bettany (A BEAUTIFUL MIND, MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD) as Charles Darwin, the film is based on “Annie’s Box,” a biography penned by Darwin’s great-great-grandson Randal Keynes using personal letters and diaries of the Darwin family. We take a unique and inside look at Darwin, his family and his love for his deeply religious wife, played by Jennifer Connelly (A BEAUTIFUL MIND, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM), as, torn between faith and science, Darwin struggles to finish his legendary book “On the Origin of Species,” which goes on to become the foundation for evolutionary biology. The film co-stars Toby Jones (FROST/NIX! ON, INFAMOUS) and Jeremy Northam (GOSFORD PARK, AMISTAD), and was produced by Jeremy Thomas (THE LAST EMPEROR, SEXY BEAST) at Recorded Picture Company with BBC Films and Ocean Pictures.More than 150 years after its publication, Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species and its theory of natural selection remain the subject of much debate; the divide between those who accept Darwin's ideas as incontrovertible science and those who consider them blasphemous may be wider now than ever. Released in 2009, director Jon Amiel's Creation goes right to the heart of the matter--indeed, right to the heart of Darwin himself. As portrayed by Paul Bettany, the Darwin who has returned to England following his voyage aboard HMS Beagle is a man for whom "deeply conflicted" is a barely adequate description. Well aware his theory is "perhaps the most powerful idea ever to occur to a human mind," he is caught between the scientists who insist that he has "killed God" and t! he religious conservatives, including his wife Emma (Jennifer ! Connelly ), who counter that his very soul will be in peril if he finishes and publishes his book. What's more, he is haunted, sometimes literally, by the death of his favorite child, Annie (seen in frequent flashbacks), and its effect on his marriage--in fact, it is this personal angle that dominates the film. But while the toll his work has taken on his health, his faith, his family, and his very sanity is obvious, he also knows that it is far too important to ignore. Creation is not a documentary; liberties have been taken, and there are multiple sequences, including Darwin's nightmarish fever dreams, that are clearly the invention of the filmmakers. But Bettany and Connelly, who are a real-life couple, are both superb; the cinematography is gorgeous; and various scenes illustrating the notion of "survival of the fittest" in nature are riveting (there won't be a dry eye in the house when Darwin tells his dying daughter about the fate of an orangutan captured in Borneo). And! while the tone of the film would seem to favor science over religion, the DVD includes numerous bonus features in which both sides have their say. This one is not to be missed. --Sam Graham

Stills from Creation (Click for larger image) A sweeping novel of politics, war, philosophy, and adventureâ€"in a restored edition, featuring never-before-published material from Gore Vidal’s original manuscriptâ€"Creation offers a captivating grand tour of the ancient world.
Cyrus Spitama, grandson of the prophet Zoroaster and lifelong friend of Xerxes, spent most of his life as Persian ambassador for the great king Darius. He traveled to India, where he discussed nirvana with Buddha, and to the warring states of Cathay, where he learned of Tao from Master Li and fished on the riverbank with Confucius. Now blind and aged in Athensâ€"the Athens of Pericles, Sophocles, Thucydides, Herodotus, and Socratesâ€"Cyrus recounts his days as he strives to resolve the fundamental questions that have guided his life’s journeys: how the universe was created, and why evil was created with good. In revisiting the fifth century b! .c.â€"one of the most spectacular periods in historyâ€"Gore Vidal illuminates the ideas that have shaped civilizations for millennia.
In 445 B.C., Cyrus Spitama, the grandson of the prophet Zoroaster, is the Persian ambassador to the city of Athens. He has a rather caustic appreciation of his situation: "I am blind. But I am not deaf. Because of the incompleteness of my misfortune, I was obliged yesterday to listen for nearly six hours to a self-styled historian whose account of what the Athenians like to call 'the Persian Wars' was nonsense of a sort that were I less old and more privileged, I would have risen to my seat at the Odeon and scandalized all Athens by answering him." Having thus dismissed Herodotus, Cyrus then dictates his life story to his nephew, Democritus, with similar disdain for the Greeks--whom we in the modern world have come to view as the progenitors of civilization, but whom Cyrus considers to be bad-smelling rabble.

Of co! urse, Cyrus Spitama speaks with a very modern, ironic voice s! upplied to him by Gore Vidal--and the political intrigues in which Cyrus finds himself immersed are likewise familiar territory for fans of Vidal's historical fiction. But the narrator's delightfully wicked observations are the icing on a narrative of truly epic scope--out of his desire to understand the origins of the world, Cyrus undertakes journeys to India, where he encounters disciples of the Buddha, and China, where he engages Confucius in philosophical conversation while the great sage fishes by the riverside. Creation offers insights into classical history laced with scintillating wit and narrative brio. Real-life couple Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly star as Charles Darwin and his wife in this biographical drama. Set before the publication of "On The Origin Of Species", 'Creation' finds Darwin grieving over the death of his daughter and feeling far away from his wife.More than 150 years after its publication, Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species! and its theory of natural selection remain the subject of much debate; the divide between those who accept Darwin's ideas as incontrovertible science and those who consider them blasphemous may be wider now than ever. Released in 2009, director Jon Amiel's Creation goes right to the heart of the matter--indeed, right to the heart of Darwin himself. As portrayed by Paul Bettany, the Darwin who has returned to England following his voyage aboard HMS Beagle is a man for whom "deeply conflicted" is a barely adequate description. Well aware his theory is "perhaps the most powerful idea ever to occur to a human mind," he is caught between the scientists who insist that he has "killed God" and the religious conservatives, including his wife Emma (Jennifer Connelly), who counter that his very soul will be in peril if he finishes and publishes his book. What's more, he is haunted, sometimes literally, by the death of his favorite child, Annie (seen in frequent fla! shbacks), and its effect on his marriage--in fact, it is this ! personal angle that dominates the film. But while the toll his work has taken on his health, his faith, his family, and his very sanity is obvious, he also knows that it is far too important to ignore. Creation is not a documentary; liberties have been taken, and there are multiple sequences, including Darwin's nightmarish fever dreams, that are clearly the invention of the filmmakers. But Bettany and Connelly, who are a real-life couple, are both superb; the cinematography is gorgeous; and various scenes illustrating the notion of "survival of the fittest" in nature are riveting (there won't be a dry eye in the house when Darwin tells his dying daughter about the fate of an orangutan captured in Borneo). And while the tone of the film would seem to favor science over religion, the DVD includes numerous bonus features in which both sides have their say. This one is not to be missed. --Sam Graham

Stills from Creation (Click f! or larger image)

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G-Force (Single Disc Widescreen)

• Buckle up for thrilling edge-of-your seat action and laugh-out-loud fun in Disney's family comedy adventure G-FORCE. Just as the G-Force -- an elite team of highly trained guinea pigs -- is about to save the world, the F.B.I. shuts the secret unit down. But these next-generation action heroes -- Darwin, loyal team leader; Blaster, weapons expert with attitude to spare; Juarez, drop-dead gorgeous m

Buckle up for thrilling edge-of-your-seat action and laugh-out-loud fun in Disney’s family comedy adventure G-Force. Just as the G-Force â€" an elite team of highly trained guinea pigs â€" is about to save the world, the F.B.I. shuts the secret unit down. But these next-generation action heroes â€" Darwin, loyal team leader; Blaster, weapons expert with attitude to spare; Juarez, drop-dead gorgeous martial arts diva; and tag-along Hurley â€" won’t be stopped. Armed with the latest in hi! gh-tech spy equipment, and with the F.B.I. on their tails, the fur flies as they race against the clock to save the world. From the producer of the Pirates Of The Caribbean trilogy and National Treasure, and filled with high-octane action, daredevil stunts, cutting-edge special effects and outrageous comedy, G-Force is fantastic fun for the whole family.G-Force just might be the best Jerry Bruckheimer action film in many a moon. The film is exuberant, and its premise--don't think big for an animated caper film, think small--brilliantly upends the more-bigger-faster trope of American action films… with cute, little, furry guinea pigs.

Bruckheimer, the action genius behind the likes of the Pirates of the Caribbean, Con Air, The Rock, Armageddon, and many more, here teams with visual effects maestro Hoyt Yeatman, who writes and directs. The combo is potent, and the fact that they str! eamed their blow-'em-up vision through a film about tiny roden! ts savin g the world makes the whole confection a hilarious family-friendly experience as well as a satisfying action adventure. The premise isn't earth-shattering: oddball, unexpected heroes are called on to save the day (Men in Black, Underdog, etc.). But the lowly guinea pig has been long overdue to get its moment in the spotlight. And now the free world knows whom it can really trust. The film mixes the animated heroes with real-life actors, including the sardonic British character actor Bill Nighy, who plays an evil mogul out to take over and/or destroy the world. The U.S. government, it turns out, has been nurturing a special squad for occasions just such as this. It's just that it's been nurturing them in small pens with wood shavings on the floor and running wheels for exercise. Will Arnett, deadpan and spot-on, plays the human agent who has the unenviable task of wrangling the guinea pig G-Force, and is a deft foil for the bad guys as well as for the mini-h! eroes.

But the true powerhouse acting belongs to those giving voices to the guinea pig agents, including Sam Rockwell, Penélope Cruz, Steve Buscemi, and, as the voice of a domesticated layabout, Jon Favreau. The film's standout, though, is Tracy Morgan, whose Agent Blaster is bellicose, fearless, and as full of malapropisms as Morgan's character on 30 Rock. (In fact, the viewer keeps half-expecting Blaster to turn to Cruz's female agent, Juarez, and yell "Liz Lemon!") G-Force is full of belly laughs for kids, as well as their action-film-fan parents. --A.T. Hurley

Stills from G-Force (Click for larger image)

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Fahrenheit 9/11

• Controversy.What Controversy? In the most provocative film of the year, Academy Award winner Michael Moore presents a searing examination of the role played by money and oil in the wake of the tragic events of 9/11. Michael Moore blends captivating and thought-provoking footage with revealing interviews while balancing it all with his own brand of humor and satire. Format: DVD MOVIE Gen

In the most provocative film of the year, Academy Award-winner Michael Moore presents a searing examination of the role played by greed and oil in the wake of the tragic events of 9/11. From Academy-Award winning director Michael Moore (Bowling for Columbine). WINNER, Palme D’Or Award at the Cannes Film Festival, BEST PICTURE. DVD features:

* "The Release of Fahrenheit 9/11" featurette
* "Iraq, Pre-War" featurette: The people of Iraq on the eve of invasion
* "Homeland security, Miami style"! featurette: Footage of the old men who patrol the Florida coast lookng for terrorists as part of the homeland security plan
* "Outside Abu Ghraib Prison"
* Eyewitness account from Samara, Iraq
* "Lila, D.C.": Lila Lipscomb at the Washington, D.C. premiere
* Arab-American comedians: Their acts and experiences after 9/11
* Extended interview: More with Abdul Henderson
* "Condi 9/11": Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 Commission testimony
* "Bush Rose Garden": George W. Bush's full press briefing after 9/11 Commission appearanceTo anyone who truly understands what it means to be an American, Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 should be seen as a triumph of patriotic freedom. Rarely has the First Amendment been exercised with such fervor and forthrightness of purpose: After subjecting himself to charges of factual errors in his gun-lobby exposé Bowling for Columbine, Moore armed himself with a platoon of reputable fact-checkers, an abundanc! e of indisputable film and video footage, and his own ironical! ly comed ic sense of righteous indignation, with the singular intention of toppling the war-ravaged administration of President George W. Bush. It's the Bush presidency that Moore, with his provocative array of facts and figures, blames for corporate corruption, senseless death, unnecessary war, and political favoritism toward Osama Bin Laden's family and Saudi oil partners following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Moore's incendiary film earned Palme d'Or honors at Cannes and a predictable legion of detractors, but do yourself a favor: Ignore those who condemn the film without seeing it, and let the facts speak for themselves. By honoring American soldiers and the victims of 9/11 while condemning Bush's rationale for war in Iraq, Fahrenheit 9/11 may actually succeed in turning the tides of history. --Jeff ShannonControversy...What Controversy?

In the most provocative film of the year, Academy Award winner Michael Moore presents a searing examination! of the role played by money and oil in the wake of the tragic events of 9/11. Michael Moore blends captivating and thought-provoking footage with revealing interviews while balancing it all with his own brand of humor and satire.
To anyone who truly understands what it means to be an American, Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 should be seen as a triumph of patriotic freedom. Rarely has the First Amendment been exercised with such fervor and forthrightness of purpose: After subjecting himself to charges of factual errors in his gun-lobby exposé Bowling for Columbine, Moore armed himself with a platoon of reputable fact-checkers, an abundance of indisputable film and video footage, and his own ironically comedic sense of righteous indignation, with the singular intention of toppling the war-ravaged administration of President George W. Bush. It's the Bush presidency that Moore, with his provocative array of facts and figures, blames for corporate corr! uption, senseless death, unnecessary war, and political favori! tism tow ard Osama Bin Laden's family and Saudi oil partners following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Moore's incendiary film earned Palme d'Or honors at Cannes and a predictable legion of detractors, but do yourself a favor: Ignore those who condemn the film without seeing it, and let the facts speak for themselves. By honoring American soldiers and the victims of 9/11 while condemning Bush's rationale for war in Iraq, Fahrenheit 9/11 may actually succeed in turning the tides of history. --Jeff Shannon

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Armageddon

• When an asteroid the size of Texas is headed for Earth, the worlds best deep core drilling team is sent to nuke the rock from the inside.Starring: Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Keith David, Will Patton, PeterStormare, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, and Bruce Willis.Directed By: Michael BayRunning Time: 2 hrs. 31 mins.This film is presented in "Widescreen" format.Copyright 1999 Buena Vista Format

In DEEP IMPACT, Leo Beiderman (Elijah Wood), joins a field study for his high school's Astronomy Club and discovers a new comet that unfortunately is headed for Earth. While scientists build a cave to prevent the extinction of the human race, they estimate that only 800,000 people can be selected to survive the "Deep Impact." The threat of a comet ending the world quickly sends Americans into a panic until the president announces a plan to send astronauts on a mission to destroy the comet before it rea! ches earth.A great big rock hits the earth, and lots of people die. That's pretty much all there is to it, and most of that was in the trailer. Can a major Hollywood movie really squeak by with such a slender excuse for a premise? The old disaster-movie king, cheese-meister Irwin Allen (The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake), would have made a kitsch classic out of this, with Charlton Heston, rather than a resigned and mumbly Robert Duvall, as the veteran astronaut who risks several lives trying to blow up the comet that's headed right this way! As stiffly directed by Mimi Leder, this thick slice of ham errs on the side of solemnity. It may the be most earnest end-of-the-world picture since Stanley Kramer's atomic-doom drama On the Beach. There are a couple of classic melodramatic flourishes: an estranged father and daughter who share a tearful reconciliation as a Godzilla-sized tidal wave looms on the horizon; and an astronaut, communicating on vi! deo with his loved ones back on Earth, who follows whispered i! nstructi ons from a buddy lurking just off camera--so that his little boy won't realize that he's been struck blind. With Morgan Freeman as the president of the United States. --David ChuteDEEP IMPACT - Blu-Ray MovieA great big rock hits the earth, and lots of people die. That's pretty much all there is to it, and most of that was in the trailer. Can a major Hollywood movie really squeak by with such a slender excuse for a premise? The old disaster-movie king, cheese-meister Irwin Allen (The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake), would have made a kitsch classic out of this, with Charlton Heston, rather than a resigned and mumbly Robert Duvall, as the veteran astronaut who risks several lives trying to blow up the comet that's headed right this way! As stiffly directed by Mimi Leder, this thick slice of ham errs on the side of solemnity. It may the be most earnest end-of-the-world picture since Stanley Kramer's atomic-doom drama On the Beach. There are a! couple of classic melodramatic flourishes: an estranged father and daughter who share a tearful reconciliation as a Godzilla-sized tidal wave looms on the horizon; and an astronaut, communicating on video with his loved ones back on Earth, who follows whispered instructions from a buddy lurking just off camera--so that his little boy won't realize that he's been struck blind. With Morgan Freeman as the president of the United States. --David ChuteA great big rock hits the earth, and lots of people die. That's pretty much all there is to it, and most of that was in the trailer. Can a major Hollywood movie really squeak by with such a slender excuse for a premise? The old disaster-movie king, cheese-meister Irwin Allen (The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake), would have made a kitsch classic out of this, with Charlton Heston, rather than a resigned and mumbly Robert Duvall, as the veteran astronaut who risks several lives trying to blow up the comet that's ! headed right this way! As stiffly directed by Mimi Lede! r, this thick slice of ham errs on the side of solemnity. It may the be most earnest end-of-the-world picture since Stanley Kramer's atomic-doom drama On the Beach. There are a couple of classic melodramatic flourishes: an estranged father and daughter who share a tearful reconciliation as a Godzilla-sized tidal wave looms on the horizon; and an astronaut, communicating on video with his loved ones back on Earth, who follows whispered instructions from a buddy lurking just off camera--so that his little boy won't realize that he's been struck blind. With Morgan Freeman as the president of the United States. --David ChuteA great big rock hits the earth, and lots of people die. That's pretty much all there is to it, and most of that was in the trailer. Can a major Hollywood movie really squeak by with such a slender excuse for a premise? The old disaster-movie king, cheese-meister Irwin Allen (The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake), would have made a kitsch c! lassic out of this, with Charlton Heston, rather than a resigned and mumbly Robert Duvall, as the veteran astronaut who risks several lives trying to blow up the comet that's headed right this way! As stiffly directed by Mimi Leder, this thick slice of ham errs on the side of solemnity. It may the be most earnest end-of-the-world picture since Stanley Kramer's atomic-doom drama On the Beach. There are a couple of classic melodramatic flourishes: an estranged father and daughter who share a tearful reconciliation as a Godzilla-sized tidal wave looms on the horizon; and an astronaut, communicating on video with his loved ones back on Earth, who follows whispered instructions from a buddy lurking just off camera--so that his little boy won't realize that he's been struck blind. With Morgan Freeman as the president of the United States. --David ChuteFrom the blockbuster-making team who produced and directed PEARL HARBOR and THE ROCK (Jerry Bruckheimer and ! Michael Bay) comes the biggest movie of 1998 -- ARMAGEDDON! St! arring t he explosive talents of Bruce Willis (DIE HARD), Academy Award(R)-winners Ben Affleck (GOOD WILL HUNTING) and Billy Bob Thornton (SLING BLADE), Liv Tyler (INVENTING THE ABBOTTS), Steve Buscemi (CON AIR), and Will Patton (INVENTING THE ABBOTTS), ARMAGEDDON is a meteor storm of action-adventure moviemaking that has you on the edge of your seat forgetting to breathe! When NASA's executive director, Dan Truman (Thornton), realizes the Earth has 18 days before it's obliterated by a meteor the size of Texas, he has only one option -- land a ragtag team of roughneck oil drillers on the asteroid and drop a nuclear warhead into its core. Spectacular special effects, laugh-out-loud humor, great characters, riveting storytelling, and heartfelt emotion make ARMAGEDDON an exhilarating thrill ride you'll want to experience like there's no tomorrow.The latest testosterone-saturated blow-'em-up from producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Michael Bay (The Rock, Bad Boys) conti! nues Hollywood's millennium-fueled fascination with the destruction of our planet. There's no arguing that the successful duo understands what mainstream American audiences want in their blockbuster movies--loads of loud, eye-popping special effects, rapid-fire pacing, and patriotic flag waving. Bay's protagonists--the eight crude, lewd, oversexed (but lovable, of course) oil drillers summoned to save the world from a Texas-sized meteor hurling toward the earth--are not flawless heroes, but common men with whom all can relate. In this huge Western-in-space soap opera, they're American cowboys turned astronauts. Sci-fi buffs will appreciate Bay's fetishizing of technology, even though it's apparent he doesn't understand it as anything more than flashing lights and shiny gadgets. Smartly, the duo also tries to lure the art-house crowd, raiding the local indie acting stable and populating the film with guys like Steve Buscemi, Billy Bob Thornton, Owen Wilson, and Michael Dunc! an, all adding needed touches of humor and charisma. When Bay ! applies his sledgehammer aesthetics to the action portions of the film, it's mindless fun; it's only when Armageddon tackles humanity that it becomes truly offensive. Not since Mississippi Burning have racial and cultural stereotypes been substituted for characters so blatantly--African Americans, Japanese, Chinese, Scottish, Samoans, Muslims, French ... if it's not white and American, Bay simplifies it. Or, make that white male America; the film features only three notable females--four if you count the meteor, who's constantly referred to as a "bitch that needs drillin'," but she's a hell of a lot more developed and unpredictable than the other women characters combined. Sure, Bay's film creates some tension and contains some visceral moments, but if he can't create any redeemable characters outside of those in space, what's the point of saving the planet? --Dave McCoyThe 1998 testosterone-saturated blow-'em-up from producer Jerry Bruckheimer and direct! or Michael Bay (The Rock, Bad Boys) continues Hollywood's millennium-fueled fascination with the destruction of our planet. There's no arguing that the successful duo understands what mainstream American audiences want in their blockbuster movies--loads of loud, eye-popping special effects, rapid- fire pacing, and patriotic flag waving. Bay's protagonists--the eight crude, lewd, oversexed (but lovable, of course) oil drillers summoned to save the world from a Texas-sized meteor hurling toward the earth--are not flawless heroes, but common men with whom all can relate. In this huge Western-in-space soap opera, they're American cowboys turned astronauts. Sci-fi buffs will appreciate Bay's fetishizing of technology, even though it's apparent he doesn't understand it as anything more than flashing lights and shiny gadgets. Smartly, the duo also tries to lure the art-house crowd, raiding the local indie acting stable and populating the film with guys like Steve Bus! cemi, Billy Bob Thornton, Owen Wilson, and Michael Duncan, all! adding needed touches of humor and charisma. When Bay applies his sledgehammer aesthetics to the action portions of the film, it's mindless fun; it's only when Armageddon tackles humanity that it becomes truly offensive. Not since Mississippi Burning have racial and cultural stereotypes been substituted for characters so blatantly--African Americans, Japanese, Chinese, Scottish, Samoans, Muslims, French ... if it's not white and American, Bay simplifies it. Or, make that white male America; the film features only three notable females--four if you count the meteor, who's constantly referred to as a "bitch that needs drillin'," but she's a hell of a lot more developed and unpredictable than the other women characters combined. Sure, Bay's film creates some tension and contains some visceral moments, but if he can't create any redeemable characters outside of those in space, what's the point of saving the planet? --Dave McCoy

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